9/10/22

When will true joy return

Food doesn’t taste good- I haven’t wanted it for years

I feel like the color is slowly being drained from the world

When will my girls experience a love of a family again?

 How long will I have to watch this?. 

To see the pain in my girls eyes is almost unbearable for me. They don’t understand what they feel. 

They don’t understand why they don’t want to spend time with a man they “miss.” 

They don’t want to hurt dad‘s feelings But you can see in the their eyes they don’t want you to go

You want to protect them But feel like you can’t- when is this going to ever stop?

Sleeping doesn’t make it better  cleaning doesn’t make it better- I keep searching for something that will make it just better but nothing will. 

This is my “lot” - I do a lot of hard work but I have wonderful relationships and that is what fills me. I am grateful I get to experience it

I don’t think a marriage will fix it - just a whole hearted dedication to holiness - when I have to encounter the pain sin and brokenness - It must be to make my heart more bonded to His
Sleeping on the floor of my laundry room helps tho- maybe the sound of something getting done while I sleep I don’t know 

I amaze myself at how I can appear so happy and bright even when the bones in my face are being eaten away by infection. And I think that’s the problem everyone sees happiness while I just feel pain

““On that day you shall not be put to shame because of the deeds by which you have rebelled against me; for then I will remove from your midst your proudly exultant ones, and you shall no longer be haughty in my holy mountain. But I will leave in your midst a people humble and lowly. They shall seek refuge in the name of the Lord, those who are left in Israel; they shall do no injustice and speak no lies, nor shall there be found in their mouth a deceitful tongue. For they shall graze and lie down, and none shall make them afraid.” Sing aloud, O daughter of Zion; shout, O Israel! Rejoice and exult with all your heart, O daughter of Jerusalem! The Lord has taken away the judgments against you; he has cleared away your enemies. The King of Israel, the Lord, is in your midst; you shall never again fear evil. On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: “Fear not, O Zion; let not your hands grow weak. The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. I will gather those of you who mourn for the festival, so that you will no longer suffer reproach. Behold, at that time I will deal with all your oppressors. And I will save the lame and gather the outcast, and I will change their shame into praise and renown in all the earth. At that time I will bring you in, at the time when I gather you together; for I will make you renowned and praised among all the peoples of the earth, when I restore your fortunes before your eyes,” says the Lord.”

‭‭Zephaniah‬ ‭3:11-20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/59/zep.3.11-20.ESV