My sweet girl- you taught me so much
In a few hours my sweet friend will lay her daughter to rest. Something I cant imagine doing in my lifetime. When I first met Marcy (name was changed for privacy), I saw her standing over her daughters hospital bed in the NICU. I came into the room to perform my initial assessment and to tell her that I would be Chloe's (name changed) nurse for the next 12 hours. After just minutes of talking to Marcy, I quickly realized that this woman was probably the strongest woman I had ever met (like a lot of NICU mommas:). She was just taking in the prognosis of her daughter, the doctors said she could pass any day. Even with the heaviness of the news, she was calm, she attended to her other daughter in the room, and she even gave me a smile and a "thank you" when I said I was going to grab Chloe's 8 o clock meds.
The next few months felt like a never ending roller coaster. There were many times where I saw Chloe on the oscillator and thought, this might be her last. Then there were times where Marcy and I would play with Chloe while sipping Starbucks as if we were in the living room at their house instead of in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. We all cried the day Marcy walked out of the hospital with Chloe to take her home. But that was just the beginning.
Over the next few years I watched Marcy care for Chloe, EVERY SINGLE HOUR OF THE DAY. Every hour of the day and some hours at night, there was always something that Marcy needed to do for Chloe. Because she was medically fragile, she told me that she would not leave the house. That her husband took on the grocery store runs. She was Chloe's 24/7 caretaker for an entire THREE AND A HALF YEARS. I remember going to visit her the week before she past. She had just endured another procedure. I remember looking at her and praying a silent prayer, just as I always did when I saw her. A few days later, Chloe past away. When I got the news, my first thought was Marcy. I knew that Chloe was in Heaven and she was now healed! She had no more pain. My thought was Marcy because I knew that every moment of every day had been immersed in Chloe's wellbeing. She put Chloe's needs before her own, every moment of the day. I think there is so much beauty in that.
Every day she lived out Matthew 16: 24-25
"Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."
Questions I have to ask myself every day:
Are you being complacent? Are you expecting amazing spiritual fruit from your life, with little to no effort on your part? Have you lost sight of the joy of offering your very life to Christ? What joys might you taste if you take a chance, trust God, and deny self?
Thank you Marcy for opening up my eyes today and showing me what it means to deny yourself and take up your cross. I hope someday to be half the mother you are. I will always love your family and Chloe will always have a HUGE place in my heart.
The next few months felt like a never ending roller coaster. There were many times where I saw Chloe on the oscillator and thought, this might be her last. Then there were times where Marcy and I would play with Chloe while sipping Starbucks as if we were in the living room at their house instead of in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. We all cried the day Marcy walked out of the hospital with Chloe to take her home. But that was just the beginning.
Over the next few years I watched Marcy care for Chloe, EVERY SINGLE HOUR OF THE DAY. Every hour of the day and some hours at night, there was always something that Marcy needed to do for Chloe. Because she was medically fragile, she told me that she would not leave the house. That her husband took on the grocery store runs. She was Chloe's 24/7 caretaker for an entire THREE AND A HALF YEARS. I remember going to visit her the week before she past. She had just endured another procedure. I remember looking at her and praying a silent prayer, just as I always did when I saw her. A few days later, Chloe past away. When I got the news, my first thought was Marcy. I knew that Chloe was in Heaven and she was now healed! She had no more pain. My thought was Marcy because I knew that every moment of every day had been immersed in Chloe's wellbeing. She put Chloe's needs before her own, every moment of the day. I think there is so much beauty in that.
Every day she lived out Matthew 16: 24-25
"24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life[a]will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. " Every day she denied herself sleep, fun, and even her own freedom to take care of Chloe. I get that we all do that to some extent as parents but wow that is a type of love that I cant comprehend!
The thing is God calls us to that same life. Jesus has always asked us to consider the cost of following Him. I have often prayed that He would give me the strength to follow him at all costs. That if the Lord calls me to a life of service by caring for a disabled child all their life that I will say YES LORD. Will I say YES LORD when He calls me to give until it hurts, therefore giving up my financial comfort. Or what if he calls me to open up my home to someone in need? YES LORD AT ALL COSTS.
I know this sounds radical but learning to deny yourself starts with seemingly small acts of obedience. You think you must have what you want. But when you let go, you recognize God’s beauty and faithfulness. It satisfies you. You become content. You are freed for greater moments of surrender. You are actually cultivating self-control, which is a huge part of learning to deny yourself. (See 1 Tim. 4:7–10, 1 Cor. 9:24–27) When we start with denying ourself, more of Him is revealed to us. He breaks our hearts for what breaks His. When we realize this life is not about us, then who who cares if he calls us to give up our comfort or our possessions? Believe me this hurts me even writing this! Its scary living out Matthew 10:39 The thing is God calls us to that same life. Jesus has always asked us to consider the cost of following Him. I have often prayed that He would give me the strength to follow him at all costs. That if the Lord calls me to a life of service by caring for a disabled child all their life that I will say YES LORD. Will I say YES LORD when He calls me to give until it hurts, therefore giving up my financial comfort. Or what if he calls me to open up my home to someone in need? YES LORD AT ALL COSTS.
"Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."
Questions I have to ask myself every day:
Are you being complacent? Are you expecting amazing spiritual fruit from your life, with little to no effort on your part? Have you lost sight of the joy of offering your very life to Christ? What joys might you taste if you take a chance, trust God, and deny self?
Thank you Marcy for opening up my eyes today and showing me what it means to deny yourself and take up your cross. I hope someday to be half the mother you are. I will always love your family and Chloe will always have a HUGE place in my heart.
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