Bowen’s Scale of Differentiation

 An incredible tool that connects our emotional and spiritual maturity.

Bowen’s Scale of Differentiation

• The following is Pete Szazzero’s adaptation of Murray Bowen’s “scale of differentiation.”

• Bowen is the founder of modern family systems and he defined differentiation as your capacity to define your own life’s goals and values apart from the pressures of those around them.

• People with a high level of differentiation can live in line with their identity and calling. They are free from the tyranny of the approval or disapproval of other people. They can be in a close relationship with people even when they have a very different vision and value set.

• Take a few minutes to read through Bowen’s scale:

0–25

• Can’t distinguish between fact and feeling

• Emotionally needy and highly reactive to others

• Much of life energy spent in winning the approval of others

• Little energy for goal-directed activities

• Can’t say, “I think. . . I believe. . .”

• Little emotional separation from their families

• Dependent marital relationships

• Do very poorly in transitions, crises, and life adjustments

• Unable to see where they end and other begin

25–50

• Some ability to distinguish between fact and feeling

• Most of self is a “false self” and reflected from others

• When anxiety is low, they function relatively well

• Quick to imitate others and change themselves to gain acceptance from others

• Often talk one set of principles/beliefs, yet do another

• Self-esteem soars with compliments or is crushed by criticism

• Become anxious (i.e., highly reactive and “freaking out”) when a relationship system falls apart or becomes unbalanced

• Often make poor decisions due to their inability to think clearly under stress

• Seek power, honor, knowledge, and love from others to clothe their false selves

50–75

• Aware of the thinking and feeling functions that work as a team

• Reasonable level of “true self”

• Can follow life goals that are determined from within

• Can state beliefs calmly without putting others down

• Marriage is a functioning partnership where intimacy can be enjoyed without losing the self

• Can allow children to progress through developmental phases into adult automomy

• Function well—alone or with others

• Able to cope with crises without falling apart

• Stay in relational connection with others without insisting they see the world the same

70–100 (Few people function at this level)

• Is principle oriented and goal directed—secure in who they are, unaffected by criticism or praise

• Is able to leave family of origin and become an inner-directed, separate adult, sure of their beliefs but not dogmatic or closed in their thinking

• Can hear and evaluate beliefs of others, discarding old beliefs in favor of new ones

• Can listen without acting and communicate without antagonizing others

• Can respect others without having to change them

• Aware of dependence on others and responsibility for others

• Free to enjoy life and play

• Able to maintin a non-anxious presence in the midst of stress and pressure

• Able to take responsibility for their own destiny and life

Now, for this next part, remember, do this with compassion! For yourself and the people around you. The goal is to grow into “life to the full”; not to feel guilty.