an exodus of my heart.

May 17th 2020 Last anniversary married. 

May 17th 2021 

A celebration of a year in Atlanta. This day will not bring saddness anymore. This day will instead be the anniversary of taking me by the hand and placing me in His Presence. Though I feel ofter that the Exodus, like the Isrealites has lead me to the same place they were. To wander in the Wilderness (wandering for 40 years). But what is the purpose of the Wilderness. He is calling me to himself. Teaching me how to live with Jesus. Teaching me how to trust in His faithfullness even when the road looks too scary. 

May 17th, 2022

You have brought me out of bondage and showed me the path to life. A life in Him. My heart has found so much healing and joy has returned. 

 Jesus 

Thank you for sustaining me this year. As I look through all the sign in sheets this morning, I am overwhelmed by how you have sustained me. By your abundant sustanance. Help me believe that that is enough. That I do not need medication or other things to help me through. Those are the means to how the dark thoughts seep in. This has been a very sanctifying year. Being filled with the spirit (JD filled with spirit)

December 2019 He was teaching me who He was - He gave me Isaiah- the relationship between God and the Isrealites. Revealing to me who He is

Isaiah 40 - I am your comfort

Isaiah 41- I am your helper

Then in 2020 during my divorce I watched Him part the sea (see my 2020 reflection).  Where he has cut me from, delivered me to. 

Now in 2021- I feel as though I am in the same season of the Isrealites when they were wandering in the wilderness. FOR 40 years!

Numbers 13:26-33

The children of Israel forgotten Gods promises and remembrance of his provisions. God had brought them out of Egypt. They watched Pharoahs armies perish in pursuit.  God provided them food in the dessert. He gave them the promise of the land they were to inhabit.  Yet, the report of the ten turned their hearts to fear even though Joshua and Caleb reminded them of Gods promises. 

Their doubt caused them to wander in the dessert 40 more years.  

We need to be like the Trusting Two: Joshua snd Caleb (the two spies)  They  remembered Gods promises, power , presence and past provisions 

 Trust is what God has been asking me for for long time and I am just now seeing how He is specially asking for my trust. Our Sermon yesterday was about how Moses was dead and how he called Joshua to trust him to lead the Israelites. He calls us to be bold

 and courageous 15 times in two chapters. (Which comes from trust, obedience, and remembering his faithful promises)

 Numbers 14: If only we had died in Egypt- they are forgetting his promises. Then Moses and Aaron fell face down. They needed trust. They were scared. 

Their protection is gone (vs 7) That is how I feel on this day. The day of my anniversary. Lord I feel alone. The very man that was supposed to be the rock and the one to protect me from being exposed to the evil of this world threw me in the middle of it. They had a spirit of fear, saying "our wives and children will be taken as plunder," 

But the Lord spoke bluntly:

How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculaous sign i have performed amoung them? So the Lord said- not one of them will enter the land. The children they thought would be plundered by the enemy, they will stay here as Shepherds for 40 years, suffering for your unfaithfulness, until the last of your bodies lies in the desert. All because they did not have faith to trust. 

In the next two chapters- He will say you only need to be bold and courageous. This is what I have for you. Joshua and Caleb were the ONLY two that saw the land (of milk and honey) and he will give it to us. 

God is saying I want to bring you into the land of milk and honey. I have all this for you. Are you claiming this? He asks us to possess and have dominion over. He gives us boundaries. He wants us to claim our "inheritance" meaning- we plunder our inheritance when we choose to take back our homes neighborhoods, school, jobs in His name. We declare victory over what He has placed me over. 

What does trust look like to me right now:

Taking the next right step,

opening my hands and surrendering the things I am gripping onto for my 

Spiritual battle, declare victory over your thougths. 

The sermon yesterday was about trusting God and being bold and having trust in his faithfulness. He has asked us have to have dominion over all that he has put before us- claim what is His and not let Satan creep in. 

I took this same concept into my parenting with Breckan last night. 

She had started to hyperventilate because she kept asking me if it was bedtime and where I was going tomorrow and crying and stalling.

 I looked her in the eyes and said - we will not have anything taking away from our special bed time together- and she listened. 

I declared victory over what Satan was trying to take away by letting her get into my mind. 

I had to say out-loud that our bed time routine is one of joy, closeness with Jesus, remembering his goodness throughout our day and praying that he brings rest to our hearts so we can be better prepared for the kingdom work He has for us tomorrow.

She was still having a fit when I started reading- the feelings book  from jimmy. She calmed down (thank u jimmy!) and even identified that she was feeling sad And we prayed and she fell asleep in 2 min!